I noticed that I've been having a series of emotional conflict. I eventually not care about it and speak it out in front of my friends but comes to think of it, is it the right thing to do? I know that i would hurt other people's feelings when i speak out but will i hurt myself instead by keeping it in? Should I care more of what others feel than to make myself feel better? But sometimes speaking out doesn't make me feel better either i just want to let it out in me.
I always believe in making others feel better and then i would hear an inner voice that tells me be yourself once in a while won't hurt. When i do become myself, I realise i hurt others by saying things that i should keep to myself.
I spoke up yesterday, I spoke up today too but I realised later that i actually didn't have to say what i did. Is cherishing the friendship and keep it safe and sound better or risking it and put the friendship to test?
I guess all i'm trying to say is
1) I fear abandonment
2) I fear loneliness
3) I fear losing what i have
4) I fear that i'm the outsider
5) I fear changes
I fear and i sense that it would happen the way that i fear even though others tell me that they do cherish me and they would try their best to not make my paranoia come true. If whatever they say is true why would i still fear about what is going to happen in the future?
I know what it means of being not accepted and out of their comfort zones but does that mean if i understand others would too?
I do not want what happened previously to happen again.
I'm sorry if i'm being very stubborn and selfish of whatever i'm demanding but to be very frank, you are also being very stubborn and selfish of protecting what you are protecting now.
I know i'm often testing your patience and pushing the limit, but if i don't voice it out today i would most probably burst at the end of the day.
and IF
you haven't noticed that at the end of the day, I would end up being alone NOT you so
I also believe that voicing out today doesn't affect anything that is about to happen.
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2 comments:
A solution I can offer is to just voice it all out to one person, one person that you can trust to be able to be honest to and as well won't be able to take it in as something positive. Or maybe you could phrase it in a different way that may not sound offensive to whoever you're voicing out to.
speaking out, is actually a good way to let other know what you thinking, and i prefer this way of communication. At least you let us anticipated what will happen and taking some precaution step. I know sometime it really does hurt, but this show that u really care about that friendship.
ps Things might not be as bad as you thought and i agreed on what sedated monkey said.
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