Down

I'm stressed.. finally i feel it badly... I have no mood to study and when i sit myself down to try and remember what i covered for the paper on Friday. I CAN'T remember. All these while, studying in uni with friends was associated with the word productive. Today it was associated with the word stress. It was overloading to see them work so much on the Tax Paper and i still have to cover FM before the Tax paper. Tat's why i excused myself from them and came home early. When i'm home, i can just feel the overloading headache and stress.. it's been a bad day today i hate it. I want to study i dont' want to fail but i can't bring myself to it. i'm doing everthing and anything but studying.

It feels like something from inside wants to breaks out and cry but it is just stuck within. HOW?

Sigh~

am just down today

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAR BROTHER

Ok, i've got to admit, typing that title gives me shivers .. we're not that loving...but oh well... it's his birthday .. hehe

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LERN!!~

Today this fella turns 19 and we decided to have a small celebration for him. So after exams i cooked up a meal and we had birthday cake ( compliments from Hui san) to just have a simple celebration as he actually has exams tomorrow and the day after. So we've got to make it short and sweet.

Here are some pictures we took today. lolz.. Sorry if this turns into another Dine-with-me entry again..I made lamb chop with mash potatoes (psss.. mash potatoes made from scratch.. ) :P. For the first time I blended the ingredients to marinate the meat, gave it a good massage.. and waaalaaa~~

yay.. i'm quite happy with the meal.. hehehe... a spontaneous meal turned up ok after an exam, it's just a blessing in disguise ..

He just wants to pose disgustingly with the food..why??

Introducing the mastermind for tonight's celebration.. Hui San

oh gosh.. i look terrible in this picture.. but oh well.. that's the only one that presentable this time.. lolz..can't expect much when it's after an exam and the lack of sleep..

Love this picture of the cakes.. so colourful and pretty... droolling yet??? hehehe..

Happy 19th Birthday again and may this year brings u loads of luck and all the best in everything you do.

(p/s: better do well for exams tmr..hehe ganbatte!!~)

Love always..

One down, Three to go..

Even though i dont' really feel the stress hitting me i definitely was stressed, i was lying on the bed tossing and turning for a few hours and i did not get a good night sleep. Gosh.. am currently dead tired but decides to blog before i go to sleep =)

Waking up this morning was tough becuase of the heavy head and due to the lack of sleep, i had bad running nose and just want to lie down. What a way to start exams. But the moment i step out of bed, i showered in order to wake myself up. And approaching towards the exam, i intoxicated myself with caffeine and sugar. I was definitely awake during exams.

When i saw my paper and oh my god.. i could imagine myself failing this paper in a blink of an eye but due to the over dosage of caffeine and sugar, i was smiling like an idiot during exams and for the first time, writing for the whole 3 hours caused my hands to sweat pretty bad.

After the 3 hour paper, I came out smiling at my friends saying that it was bad paper. (like they believed me) but oh well, i think i gave everybody mixed messages today and oh please!!~ i just want to pass this paper.. comes to think of it.. i've had alot of writers block this time, towards the end of the exams i kept cutting off what i've written and re-write them again and i lose my stream of thought very easily. I hope this dont' happen during thursday and friday. I can't afford any of the misfortunate events of failing..

I think all the built up made me gone crazy today. It's time for a good rest.. and tomorrow another battle to fight against two back to back papers.. oh gosh.. i could smeelllll the holiday breeze coming my way and i can't wait to get this exam out of the way...

~cries~

Reason for crying
1. Exams are around the corner, the fact that my friends have at least done one paper makes me feel very envious and that the suspense towards my own exam is killing me
2. I have no mood to study for exams AT ALL.. (so dead)
3. WHY uni has to be so tough..grr..
4. At cold nights like this, I wished i had feet warmers, i'm getting leg cramps
5. I want to get it over and done with the exam A.S.A.P
6. I think stress is hitting me the wrong way this time. I'm feeling sleepy all the time.

Ok.. i'm not REALLY crying, i'm just whining... grrr...

and the weirdest thing is I feel a presense who's reading this and i feel happy. =) nevermind.. i'm obsessed..lolz.. and talking crazy.. ignore me...

Stress is definitely hitting me..hahahhaa.. anyhow i think i'm the first in this world who feels happy during stressed time.. weird..

Good night .. muaxxx :P

Plato's Eternity

Have you ever watched something that is so memorable that you just feel lonely listening to the soundtrack?
I watched this drama about 2 -3 years ago and yet listening their songs agains reminds me of how hurtful it was to watched that show...
In that show the guy gave her a bracelet named "plato's eternity". It was a beautiful story. The show that still leaves me crying for it.
Listening to "你是我的一滴泪" makes me feel the emotions of that show deeply. I don't exactly know why but i find this type of relationship is so painful yet at the same time beautiful. (confusing i know).
You know it feels the same when you watch " A walk to remember" or "A litre of tears".

Here i found a description on what it means by "Plato's Eternity".

"Platonic love, the term interpreted as non-sexual friendly relationship these days, is one of the most misinterpreted term of all time. Plato's idea of the perfect love is not at all just between friends, although it can be non-sexual. In Plato's original theory, the perfect 'platonic' love is pure, emotional and spiritual. When two are 'platonically' in love, they shouldn't just be attracted by physical appearances. They would have fallen in love emotionally and spiritually. This means that their minds would bind and thus know what each other is thinking about at all times...."

Maybe it's the tune of the song or maybe it's just the voice that floats into your brain of thoughts that makes you feel that he's hurting while singing.

.......finding difficulty expressing now.....

it's something like...

"就算是再痛苦的爱情，有你这样在身边爱着我， 守护着我，再痛苦也值得"

Good show...
(to leave me feeling for it for so long.. or maybe i'm just emo :P)

~random~

Bored and guilty..

Today.... mm it's a cold and rainie day. We've been at home doing nothing but trying our very best to study. I love rainie days, it's cosy and it makes me just want to curl up and sleep. =) But exams are so near and yet doing anything else other than studying makes me feel damn guilty. But i can't help it :( how???

Sigh~~~ Like i said.. i'm good at it - procrastinating.....

My Destiny

What if I never knew

What if I never found you

I'd never had this feeling In my heart

How did this come to be

I don't know how you found me

But from the moment I saw you

Deep inside my heart I knew

Baby, you're my destiny

You and I were meant to be

With all my heart and soul

I give my love to have and hold

And as far as I can see

You were always meant to be

My destiny

I wanted someone like you

Someone that I could hold onto

And give my love Until the end of time

But forever was just a word

Something I'd only heard about

But now you're always there for me

When you say forever I'll believe

Baby, you're my destiny

You and I were meant to be

With all my heart and soul

I give my love to have and hold

And as far as I can see

You were always meant to be

My destiny

Maybe all we need

Is just a little faith.

Cause baby, i believe

That love will find a way.hey..

Oh baby, you're my destiny

You and I were meant to be

With all my heart and soul

I give my love to have and hold

And as far as I can see

From now until eternity

You were always meant to be

My destiny

Procrastinating~

Today i've done nothing productive at all. Last night i was so tired after studying and finally got home. After dinner, chatted online a while then wanted to go to bed. Then i realised, even though i'm dead tired and my brain is truly dead, i just CAN'T FALL ASLEEP...grrrr~~ already a torture to study for long hours and now to get a good night sleep and i can't. So i was ultimately bored and just lying on my bed and staring at the ceiling. So i ended up sending out sms-es until i fell asleep waiting for replies. LOLZ..

Then today, woke up to a bad stomach and just plain feeling lethargic, didn't do much of a productive study. Instead i was all over the place either digging out old dramas from my harddisk and watch, you tubing or sleeping at odd hours. The only constructive work i did today was sitting put for 2 hours plus to study and only completed one chapter. I'm so dead for my upcoming exams.

I believe i'm stressed, but it doesnt' show on my work or even push me to study. I'm just feeling tired at the wrong times. Sigh. I am the most productive when i'm in uni sitting in a quiet classroom with Shu Yunn and Fang because when they study i would also automatically study. It's confusing because sometimes i could just sit at home and study productively. Even studying have fussy moods. GRRRR~~~

Tmr they've got exams and i'm in DESPERATE need of a studying partner. But i can't seem to think of anyone who's available to sit with me and study... DIE .. tomorrow how??? I have 3 papers next week and all i could think of is how much i've not studied instead of studying.

If I had a choice, I would select procrastinating as my new occupation. Goodness me, i'm so good at it that I know i'm giving myself excuses yet i'm still doing it. Procrastinate = Gyin = No.1

It's almost 1am here and i'm still blogging rather than studying.. DO YOU BELIEVE THIS....

Desperate now.. HELP!~

我承认我中毒了！！！

i miss you

看我用宽频无线拨接技术

key-key e-mail 给你我的电子情书

想着你的我是幸福

i don't know when你已在我的hard disk里住

yo cool!

进一步send出我的真心企图

mp3 是我给你每天惊喜礼物

就算塞车也不认输

网际网路是我们恋爱的咖啡屋

爱你就打 i love you

想你就敲 i miss you

我的邮件满满都是你的节目

我最爱和你icq 聊到日出

两个人占满线路让别人好嫉妒

电话里说 i love you

不见你回 i miss you my baby

想你的我好似中了世纪的病毒

短了路无法修复

就只能down在那里一个人在哭

像一个废物废物

我只能一直望着冰冷萤幕

多希望现在的你收到我祝福

i miss you我正在等着你回覆

... my dreams...

Have you ever wondered at times how does it feel to be one of the brightest star in the sky and have everybody admire what you do? Have you ever wondered at times whether you're fit to be amongst the bright stars above?

Well, I have. To be very honest, I look at those people who does great things, or those who have great achievements or even those who appears on tv everyday and changes other people's life by just saying an inspirational quote as those who are shining bright all the time. I look at them with envious, jealous, and admirable stares. They shine so bright that sometimes they don't know how much what they say could support others who are at need. I salute those who can and have the ability to do so.

Despite admiring them so much, I realised that i'm not those who dreams big and to achieve big. For me, to be able to feel happiness by the day is what i strive for. Sometimes i even dream that life is just enough by the happiness that you bring to others and the happiness you feel by doing so.

I am for sure a person that is not ambitious at all. Everybody around me wants to earn big money, get a great job, built a huge successful path for themselves. For me, honestly, i've never thought of being a successful career woman. In my definition of happiness and successful is to be happy and having family and friends who stick by you through thick and thin. I don't have big dreams for myself, I never even thought of having a job that is fantastic or even pays fantastic. To me, to the smallest job that makes end meet is sufficient if i go back to a warm home. Nothing beats familiarity, nothing beats warmth and love.

To those who are tactful might say that i dont' have such dreams because i'm not born into a family where i need to worry about financial issues, or even any other worries that society brings. No that 's not true, i know what society brings and i know how difficult it is to live under constraints. All i'm trying to say is that my definition of a fulfilled life is just not materials. Whether or not it is wealth or not it doesnt' matter because it all comes down to warm and love support from people around you.

Sometimes it makes me wonder, whether going through so much education is worth it or not since i'm just not shining bright. :) Oh well, that's besides the point.

Everybody has their dreams to strive for so i reserve the right to say about what i strive for =)
I want to be a person who can afford tonnes and tonnes of TLC and give them out to whoever that needs it. (sounding like god) No i'm not God but like i said, it's a dream. =) I dream of loving and being loved and fill the rest of the world with love. lolz (not ambitious?? i believe i'm being VERY VERY ambitious) so to start of, i'll fill people around me with TLC first. :P

Ok, now i'm talking crazy.

To those who are shining bright and inspiring people everyday and showing how much you care and love the world everyday, KEEP ON SHINING because the world needs people like you.

He was the one who gave me this thought to this post. While leaving a message in his blog reminded me how bright of a star he is and how impossible it is for him to notice it and yet he is changing people with insipirational quotes and his thoughts through his everyday life. I'm sure he's not the only one who is changing others everyday but oh well.. lately i've been rather a crazy fan over him so .. there he is :P

In the middle of the night.

Here i am, lying on my bed at 3am in the morning, going to sleep soon and thought i leave a note here before i go to bed.
Exams are coming real soon, those who are fighting to score and working real hard. ALL THE BEST AND GOOD LUCK. The fun activities have all been slowed down and there are not much moods to go out and hang around with others. I found myself very isolated within myself, not that i want it to be like that but i feel that it is best to be so because otherwise i woudlnt' study... look what has exams done...grrr... hopefully exam will be over and holidays and our trip to the Gold Coast would be fun.

To you, you know who you are, the last time that i went on a trip with you. If you remembered, it was a school trip when we were 12 after exams. That was our first and last trip out. Though i remmebered that that trip wasn't a spectacular one, but lets make this upcoming one an excellent trip and create loads of fun memories =)

To shu yunn, because you're graduating, we hope that this trip will give u a great view of Australia and heaps of fun with all of us before you step out into the society to work. :P Enjoy before working :P

and.. of course... to the rest of us.. it would be a GREAT event after the exams.. =) all fun fun fun and nothing but fun fun fun.. oh gosh.. haven't exams already thinking of having fun :P

ok back to exams.. i think i did study today but when i sit back and think what i've covered i dont' really know what i did.. gosh.. how??

my exams are as follows

29th Oct - Advanced Financial Accounting Theory
1st Nov- Financial Management
2nd Nov- Taxation Law
6th Nov- Performance Measurement and Control

Sigh.... exams... just thinking of it makes me feels tired... everybody is stressed over it, and i'm jsut feeling tired over it.. BAD BAD BAD..

ok let's not dread about the upcoming exams :P tonight on tv was great, there was the special concert tribute to the Legendary Burt Bacharach.

He's so old already and yet he is still playing music. I grew up listening to the songs he wrote without knowing. Those great hits he wrote all had very meaningful lyrics and melodies. It's forever evergreen. I couldnt' believe that some of the songs i listen to is as old as the 1920's .. goodness me.. i dont' even know where i existed then... hehehe...

Check him out if you haven't heard of him. He's one person that you should not missed out in listening to his songs and his works.. Despite being so old, he still performed tonight playing the piano singing "Alfie".. loved it.... loved it ...loved it...

Even though i've always heard of him but i remembered him the most when he was the special guest star on the American Idol season 5 when he played the piano for the finalists and Dionne Warwick closed the performance singing " That's what friends are for" ..... LOVE LOVE LOVE...

well.. better cherish all this songs because nowadays, i find most of the songs are plain noise... sigh.. what happened to melodies and where have they gone to???

Oh well.. i think it's best i go to bed now before i start typing nonsense...lolz

good nite everybody.. AND AGAIN... ALL THE BEST IN YOUR FINALS .. GAMBATE!~

I miss everybody already

It's been a few days since i left my blog untouched. As those of you who knows, my parents were here for the weekend since friday night and they left this afternoon. So as expected i would be too busy to just sit in front of the computer to blog. =) They've been here all in all 5 days and 5 nites.

The moment they've got here, i've realised that the apartment was alive and all was joy and happiness. This quiet empty apartment felt like home again despite the lack of furnitures, the lack of space in this small little apartment that my brother and i share. Suddenly I forgot that this was Australia and that they actually had to travel 7 1/2 hours to see us here.

Of course anticipating their arrivals, we were busy spring cleaning, clearing our mess and as Sher said, the clan comes we clean or I would say "Mummy = Spring cleaning". All the tired cleaning was worth it. This time was the first time for Harry and Mum to be in Aussie, and they loved it. Harry didn't even wanted to leave =) poor fella, he would 've enjoyed more if he stayed here with Ernst. Oh well, i'm sure there are more chances to come.


After a few nights of complaining that the "Ochestra" in my room plays too loud that i can't sleep, I actually miss the noise and the warmth that was in this apartment. Even though exams around the corner but I didn't feel stress and pressure at all but all i did was to just enjoy the times that my family was here. Everyday, I would be out of the house in the morning and only back home to sleep.


One night, my mum asked my dad " do you miss home? because i don't feel like i left home" my dad answered " this is home and everybody is home of course you don't feel like u left home"
Honestly, i had to agree with dad, when they were here with my relatives, I really forgot that we were in a foreign country =)


After all the noise they've created, joy they brought, they left for home today, and this apartment has once again become cold and quiet. Reality's back and now it's time to bring myself back into action when exam's in two weeks but for now i shall allow myself to become homesick because i'm just generally feeling under the weather today.

I know the fact that i'm going home too in a month's time so i shall be happy about it and concentrate, FOCUS on something worth focusing plus another reason to be happy about is that my apartment now is in tip-top condition. :P my parents cleans the apartment every chance they get, so even though they've been here for so many days the apartment is still squeeky clean. I call my dad the WALKING VACCUMM CLEANER becuase he squates on the carpet any chance he gets to pick up nothing and accumulates to rubbish. lol. I do think my mum is the Housework Lecturer becuase she keeps telling me ways to keep the place clean or to save water or just about anything to keep the apartment in the most hygenic position as it can be. hahaha..
[ i actually miss listening to it now]

I miss home, I miss mum and dad, Harry, po po .... and everyone else....

they should be arriving back home soon. See u all at home soon~ =)

LOVE YOU LOADS LOADS LOADS.. muaxxx

We love you very much and misses u dearly.

Lately, every emotions that run through my body has been enough to change the weather. Yesterday was a day that i would never forget, a day where memories flow naturally till it hurts and pains inside. It seems that even the weather understood how we felt yesterday.

Last year's yesterday, we've all lost a friend dearly. She was a dear friend and even though for me, sweet memories together lasted very short but it was enough to see the smiles and joy she brought us.

I met her during orientation, i guess during that time, the fact that we're all malaysians and came from the same campus, we clicked immediately. The fact that our birthdays was next to each other, she came even closer in touch with me.

when the semester started, we've always had lunch together, we would compare our lunch boxes and discuss what our meals are for the day or what we've experimented cooking. She was just a fun person to be with. We often had our one-to-one times and sometimes instead of studying we would sit in the library and talk for ages like time is on our side. Hanging out with her was fun, we would go shopping together, playing the piano and singing with her was just all fun,do lots of things together since coming to a foreign country, it was all so new to everybody but we were all there for each other.

I remember there was one time, when i told her i don't know how to do my assignment, even though she finish class late, she still came over and helped me with my assignment and in turn i cooked dinner for her.

Last year, we also celebrated our birthdays together. She was born a day later than i am. I remembered clearly that her birthday was on a Monday when she came to class all dressed up, being very pretty and feminine that day. She turned 20 that day. =)

When exams are approaching, we often camped in the library together to study. One time, after class we stayed back to study, she said that she had cravings for KFC. So no wasting time, we had dinner at KFC. After dinner, i remember she couldn't finish her burger and that she said she would have it for lunch the next day. Then we part ways where we all said good bye and went home.

Then came 11th Oct 2006, the day like any other day, the day where i was suppose to meet her for lecture and it was the day where would usually have our one-to-one sessions in the library. She didn't turn up. Silly me, i told myself she must be hiding somewhere studying for her finals.

I called her many times and her phone was turned off. Then i decided to leave her a message in the phone telling her that the lecturer had given tips for the finals and also they were giving out Redbull for free in the student lounge and asked her to come get some.

I guessed she never heard my message after all.

The hours of the day passed and when later i found out what happened, it was too late to even say good bye. I miss her very much.

For someone who is as bright as her, for someone who is suppose to graduate this year, for someone who is suppose to be in love and enjoy youth, it all ended. She met with an accident, she passed on and she left us.

The feeling of calling the hospitals and asking for a patient was just weird. The feeling of hearing someone u don't know tell u that she's in a very bad condition. The feeling of a stranger telling you that you can't see her. It hurts. That was when all broke down and all was confused.

It's such a pain to have lost someone that you see almost everyday. I can't imagine those who are much closer to her.

There would always be a place in my heart that remembers you, my friend, GAYA and you are always cherished. I hope that you've found your happiness now and you're "Living your European Dream".

You would always be remembered and loved in our hearts.

Even though knowing you was short but it was a joy. We love you and miss you.

move on

After cooling down, I realised I've been bitter over alot of things and because of me being bitter others are suffering. So i shall let it go once and for all in this entry and move on and please try to bare with me while i try to get through this entry.

I know i've been harsh and bitter towards others and I'm sorry and I sincerely apologize for me being the way i was that you guys did not like. But to move on, i am not those who forgives and forget and not place a blame on anything and anyone else.

I've decided to state here, I want to blame someone for it at fault. I want to blame things that hadn't gone right. So if u're not happy the way i'm blaming things that has happened a while ago then stop reading this post this instants.

I realised the reason why i'm being so bitter over issues was becuase at the beginning of all dramas in my life, I realised i've welcome anybody and who ever to my life with open arms and welcome them warmly with a sincere heart. Knowing that since you guys are new here in Melbourne I don' mind giving a helping hand and make you feel more at home because i know how it feels like to be homesick and just plain bad mood.

I tried hard enough to make you find your own place and settle in this foreign country. I know you guys didn't ask me to and I did it willingly and I won't blame anyone for it because if time was turned back again I would still do the same thing.

BUT... I blame you for taking me for granted. I was there when you needed someone to listen to, when you needed help, when you needed to settle in. But where were you when i needed a friend??? Not only that, you've blamed me for things that had gone wrong in your life. What's wrong with you? Don't blame me sometimes I just can't talk to u much nowadays.

That issue was long time ago, since it's being mentioned so IT shall be let go off and move on..

Secondly, I BLAME for the birthday celebration i had. I blame for allowing others to walk into my life and take away what was mine and act as if it was nothing wrong about it. I BLAME for even wanting and making an effort to gather people and celebrate when all they wanted was just to have a great time themselves. For those who I've shared with you guys know what went wrong so again.. here.. I've mentioned so IT shall be let go off and move on.. and one more thing I don't have an issue getting along with them HOWEVER i DO have issues being alongside with them.. so bare with me and I AM TRYING and i WILL be the person that welcomes them with open arms with sincerity EVEN i'm not part of the clique.

Third, I BLAME for myself to care for much of such issues and pulling everyone else with me.

I SINCERELY APOLOGIZE IF I'VE OFFENDED ANYBODY

and i will try to keep my comments to myself next time. Thank you

p/s: after posting this, means life move on and i am FINE AND SMILEY AGAIN

Utterly Disappointed!!!

All this time, messages that i was trying to push across, the efforts that i made or the unsatisfied moments that i tried to voice was all looked down to me being an angry and impatient person.

I am a fierce person who can't take nonsense, I am an impatient person who pushes others limits and if someone tries to talk to me, i would be fierce enough to eat them up alive. After all the efforts I've made, I'm being perceived so wrongly that i dont' even bother to clarify anything else anymore but to apologize for just the stupid and idiotic person i am.

Others are allowed to be EMO, others are allowed to be angry and in a bad mood but even at the verge of tears and anger i still need to be calm, patient and not show anger??? WHY??
Because if others can be at such moods, we as friends have to understand but if we are in such moods then we have to be alienated??? What happened to friends who understand EACH OTHER where friendships works TWO ways not one???
Why when i'm emo then others will ask me to CHILL AND LET GO instead of understand what position i stand in?

After telling me that speaking out is right, i still have to fulfill criterias before i BLOODY SPEAK OUT MY MIND???
criterias like RIGHT TIME, RIGHT PERSON, RIGHT TONE???

have you ever thought what it takes to open up and speak, and do you know how it feels when after saying so much, you realised at the end of the day others dont' get a damn thing you said. AND TO TOP IT ALL UP, after all of those you are being perceived as fierce, impatient and angry person. I guess it just makes one's day DAMN "good".

if there is anymore criterias please be kind enough to tell me before i eat another person alive.

SIGH~

I'm just utterly disappointed...

对个朋友的祝福!~

今天有个朋友跟我说她谈恋爱了。我好替她开心， 也同时好羡慕她可以找到属于她的一个人。她总于有自己的幸福了，每一天都一定非常甜蜜喔! 我虽然不在你身边不过我的祝福一定到 =)

幸福来了要珍惜喔。加油!~ =) muaxx

p/s:现在只剩雪儿和我了，我们也不能输淑华，彩玲，还有玉心哦!~ 我们一起加油吧!!!~ =)
我旁边的是今天被祝福的~ Ling

Below, 姐妹们，Nat, Zyn, Gyn
Not forgeting Yuxin too ~

Thoughts~

Sometimes i wonder whether do I underestimate how i view things lately. I realised I've become very straight forward with what i feel and I would usually just say what's on my mind when i think it's ok to do so. Sometimes i might end up hurting others, sometimes on the other way around, i managed to get the message accross. I've also noticed that sometimes towards certain things i'm very critical about and sometimes other things i would let go of.

Lately i've seem to encounter problems that is within myself and i've seen other people's problems.

Q & A below:

Q:I wonder why others will stress and put themselves at the edge and sometimes even push themselves off the cliff when they really don't have to and all they have to do is just to do their very best and it will be enough.
A: Why not sit back and think of what is best to deal with now and think of a solution calmly and not jump off the cliff without knowing whether it is worth it or not.

Q:I wonder why others always keep hatred in their hearts when it's already long enough to kill somebody. I don't deny that i was like that before.
A:Why not learn forgiveness and tolerance and move on with life? Even if you think you've forgive enough and tolerate enough but why not be the bigger person and learn how to forgive more?

Q:I wonder why sometimes people would choose to make themselves happy all the time without thinking of what others need.
A:Why not try to make others happy and at the same time feel great about what you've done?

Q:I wonder why friends are such a fragile thing that others and me care more than ourselves.
A: Why not take into other consideration and make them feel comfortable being with you too? Because friends are priceless so why not treasure when they're around rather than being selfishly self - centred.

Q:I also wonder why since if a decision is made why regret, or if a decision is about to be made why afraid of regrets if you know the decision made is best for urself?
A: ( this is a question that i sometimes can't do it myself) But i do know that if u've made a decision of not looking back and move forward. It is best to do what u've decided and not ponder of whether you'll regret on what you've decided because you might be missing the beautiful sight that the new path has provided you.

Sometimes i'm sure that i've changed the way i think about things and sometimes i'm quite sure that i've matured over time and yet i still want to try and remain happy and carefree...Why not others too??

So soon~

A while ago , a new week started and not too long after , a week has ended.... so fast~ time sure flies in melbourne, it so contradicting at times, sometimes when i want time to slow down it speeds up even more. Sigh~

As days pass, we're closer to exam. Am already feeling the pressure slowly as it comes nearer.
However, even though days pass quickly, I would also think that "oh well, we're closer to holidays, we're closer to home, closer to familiarity once more".

Even though i'm not as homesick as i first came here, and i don't particularly feel bad and just want to go home but i dont' deny i miss familiarity, i miss familiar faces...

and not too long later, we'll be graduating and hunting for jobs and making decisions that would change our way of life permanently. Due to me, being particularly afraid of changes, I've decided if the course allows me to, i would take up another course and further my studies. :P

Another excuse to avoid the "cruel" society temporarily. I most probably would even stay in Australia if things goes according to plan. Even though, all these plans are set up as it is to be, i really would still like to just go home after i finish my studies. Going back to familiarity which i love.

So soon~~ time flies and all we could do is to just enjoy every single moment of it and appreciate what is going on even though sometimes you're being put through hard ship.

Random: I dont' know why but it makes me want to play the piano...

I should get my day started now.. lolz.. Blogging in the morning makes me feel that i really can just lose my line of thoughts easily..

Have a great day everybody!~
GOOD MORNING...

Is speaking out right? Is speaking out good?

I noticed that I've been having a series of emotional conflict. I eventually not care about it and speak it out in front of my friends but comes to think of it, is it the right thing to do? I know that i would hurt other people's feelings when i speak out but will i hurt myself instead by keeping it in? Should I care more of what others feel than to make myself feel better? But sometimes speaking out doesn't make me feel better either i just want to let it out in me.

I always believe in making others feel better and then i would hear an inner voice that tells me be yourself once in a while won't hurt. When i do become myself, I realise i hurt others by saying things that i should keep to myself.

I spoke up yesterday, I spoke up today too but I realised later that i actually didn't have to say what i did. Is cherishing the friendship and keep it safe and sound better or risking it and put the friendship to test?

I guess all i'm trying to say is
1) I fear abandonment
2) I fear loneliness
3) I fear losing what i have
4) I fear that i'm the outsider
5) I fear changes

I fear and i sense that it would happen the way that i fear even though others tell me that they do cherish me and they would try their best to not make my paranoia come true. If whatever they say is true why would i still fear about what is going to happen in the future?

I know what it means of being not accepted and out of their comfort zones but does that mean if i understand others would too?

I do not want what happened previously to happen again.

I'm sorry if i'm being very stubborn and selfish of whatever i'm demanding but to be very frank, you are also being very stubborn and selfish of protecting what you are protecting now.

I know i'm often testing your patience and pushing the limit, but if i don't voice it out today i would most probably burst at the end of the day.

and IF

you haven't noticed that at the end of the day, I would end up being alone NOT you so
I also believe that voicing out today doesn't affect anything that is about to happen.

Holiday's Over!

Week 11 in uni has started, and soon enough it will be over because tomorrow is my last day of the last day of the week. Time flies!~

I think i've managed to collect almost all of the photos.

First outing for the holidays were BBQ at Clayton Halls..

hmmm tho i don't have many pictures of that nite.. which i dont' know why..lolz and i realised that there isn't a proper group photo of those who went to the BBQ .. i guess we were just too busy having loads of fun..hehehe

anyhow, that's us on the way back to caulfield waiting for the bus.

Second outing was the royal melbourne show, as Fang injured her leg, so she didn't join us that day..

the thing that i enjoyed the most was the petting farm animals zone =) and it was also where we took the most pictures..lolz..

Before entering the petting Zone,

After entering the petting zone,

aww.. isn't that an adorable ewe.... but it's too busy eating so i couldnt' keep it still to take a picture of it.

Then comes cute sleeping piglets..hehe

Then comes the rooster...

Next the duckling..

After this was the Arts and Craft centre where there was beautiful cakes and chocolates and cookies..YUM~ but it was only for display..

The last picture for the royal melbourne show is Yunn and I with our prize for the day.

Last but not least, our final outing before the holidays ended was a trip to Tulip Farm.

Fang and i on our way there, Fang in this picture very very very girlie ..hehe :P

Yunn and I.. on our way to the tulip farm..

and upon arriving, we were greeted with the beautiful beautiful beautiful tulips..

just wonderful...

here's Fang with her YELLOW tulips..

here, Yunn is among the colourful tulips..

and Me amongst the red tulips =)

US~ having hotdogs for lunch.. yummy~

Then before leaving we took a picture with those kids who dressed up as dutch.. kawaii~

After that we went bird feeding before heading back home. it was a good day... holidays came and left quickly..now is time to battle for finals.. everybody ALL THE BEST!!!~